I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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