At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
