His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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