Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
