I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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