sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
