Dual....:-)
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
