I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
