why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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