i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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