My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
