UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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