Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize