as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
