i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
