What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
