Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
