Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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