i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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