Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
