don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is Oprah even human
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