you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
