I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize