it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
