every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
