There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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