i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
