Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
