Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
