So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
