Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
