I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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