Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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