that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
