First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
