What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
