oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
