No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He shit in the fireplace
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
