i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
