you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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