I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
