I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
