I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize