If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
