apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
