Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
