She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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