Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
