I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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