He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
