I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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