dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
