he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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