Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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