So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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