Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Say something about gay babies.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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