u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
