I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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