he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize