i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
