Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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