I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
