ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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