he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
