It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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