Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize