I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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