I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't put those talents on a resume
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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