my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
