Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
