You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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